chesnee | Recent Entries

Well, so I haven't been here for almost three (?) years, I've just been using Livejournal as means to look into various communities. Shame on me! But blogging has never been my strong side.

Anyway, let's not look into the past, but to the present.

I'm now a happy wife and mother of two sons, I have a very satisfying job and I still like Arashi. I have more interests now (that used to worry me in the past: not so many interests), such as healthy food, cooking, medicine, psychology, geriatrics, taxes and economics.... I teach now about dementia and I'm quite good at it (modestly speaking :)). I do a lot of stuff. Hardly time to look into English like I used to. I don't teach it anymore either. So yes. Many changes. But what would you expect after three years?

I'm more confident now and calmer, I think? When my older son was born, I was afraid of many things and I panicked a lot. Now I'm less stressed and try to take life easy as it goes.

Does Arashi help, I wonder. I still like Sho, in my opinion he's got the most mature. He is an inspiration to me daily. The others. I don't know. ;) So much is happening in my life and I have so much to do that I don't really have the time to watch or read everything about them. But I still like them, so...

One thing for sure - I've stopped writing and I doubt I will start again. I literally have no inspiration and the act of writing is not very compelling. Reading, on the other hand... I miss it. I miss good fics, a lot of authors have moved on with their lives and don't publish so often or at all. I miss reading in general but I'm extremely picky and it's hard to find a good book. Maybe non-fiction should be enough for me now...

Anyway, I should be coming back here more often. I have some thoughts I'd love to sort out and I need a diary of some sort, sometimes it's hard to keep all inside. Let's see if I can do this :D.

Today my baby turns two months old.

I find it quite surreal, to be honest. I could swear on all my limbs that it was yesterday (or day before that at the most) when I was taken to the operation room to give birth to him. Or when we were told we could be discharged and go home. Or when he first smiled. Instead, it turns out that it all happened an awful lot of days ago and today, our Wölfchen enters the Famed Third Month. The Month in which some of the newborn troubles will be finally forgotten. Our Child will transform into a more stable, longer-sleeping, no-longer-spitting-up-after-nursing, finally-playing-by-himself Young Man.

( Read more... )

Current Mood: busy
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi

How amusing is the fact that I haven't written here for 10 months. It's clear I don't really know how to keep a diary, especially a "public" one.

But! There have been epic changes in my extremely busy but otherwise ordinary life.

( Read on... )

Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi

Seriously, my last post was in November, I just realised today. Typical of me, busy again to the point of vomiting.

No excuses, though! I am here and let's live in the now (heh). Truth is, I just got tired from same old stuff.

Anyway, I have a few days off now and I found myself looking into some Arashi comms and I see contests. I felt like taking part but... can't find any power in myself to write.Why no inspiration?? I hate doing things only half-heartedly so I would hate a badly-written fic and I can't do that to Arashi - hate things related to them. So. I keep scolding myself and trying to come up with ideas and motivation by re-reading some old stories but nothing comes to me.

I am writing new teaching programmes, though, and learning some Japanese, so my brain can't be dead yet. I'll get better!

For now, have a photo of a Polish seaside in December (from my three-day vacation in a spa hotel with husband).

( Photo )

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi

Okay. So I wasn't around like I promised to be. But it's the damn job that keeps me away from writing wonderful stuff on my journal. Sometimes I'm so tired I go to sleep at 8 - my husband isn't even surprised anymore. I stopped cooking! - now that's depressing and even when I do, it's somehow halfhearted. And what's worse, I can't get to solve the problem.

However, it seems my country decided to help me! By giving us a free Friday on the 11th - our Independence Day. Finally, I realised - what I need is a three-day weekend! It's Sunday and I feel refreshed beyond belief. I'm even looking forward to going to school tomorrow. So. My conclusion: we should work four days and have three days free. WHY NOT? It works for me and I'm surely not a lazy person.

However, it's still not as great as it could be. I got slightly sick on Tuesday and finally succumbed to DISEASE on Friday. It wasn't much, apart from low fever and a bit of a sore throat. The worst was the NAUSEA that wouldn't let me go for the whole day. I couldn't eat, couldn't lie down, couldn't sit or anything without feeling like puking all over everything at sight. Husband was very caring, concerned and all, letting me complain the whole day. He even made some dinner and forced me to eat (took me 5 hours to swallow the whole plate of delicious pasta) then to take some weird medicine and finally, finally! I felt better. Good enough to sit in the living room and watch a football match, Poland-Italy which we lost anyway (such a waste of time, this was). To conclude - my brave organism decided to defeat the sickness (whatever it was) and I'm okay now, even if somehow wary of food (you never know).

So leaving a puzzling disease behind - I wrote a fic. WHAT? I can't believe myself. HOW? I don't know either, It was just. I sat and things got there in the word document. Over 1000 words, even. I wrote at work *facepalm* because I couldn't stop writing. And all for an anonymous meme on Arashi debut. And the story isn't even on debut (more facepalm). But the prompt was awesome and the prompter kind enough to praise me so... I decided to put it here. So. It's below. And it's so embarrassing I could die. How do people post on normal basis is beyond me.

( I can't stop talking )

Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi - Meikyuu Love Song

I've decided to put in a recipe (sort of) of my yesterday's dinner. It was just SO delicious, I want to keep it for the future. Please bear with my erratic descriptions but I can't follow a recipe for my life (unless it's cake, then any variations are usually fatal).

Just to make sure: this wasn't entirely my idea, the basis was from a cookbook but it's in Polish so... unless you speak the language I won't give the title. Anyway, the original was for "potatoes with tomato sauce" and I made it into my own creation. As usual, anyway, since I never do exactly what they say ;P.

( On to the descriptions! )

Current Mood: pleased
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi - whatever is played

I would have never thought that I'd disappear for such a long time. When I stumbled upon my last entry I kind of can't even remember those times O_O.

But that's what happens when you don't have time for almost anything. I have time to look at fics and lovely Arashi pictures but to write in my own journal, not really. No time to read properly at all. Everything is taken up by my job or my flat (actually, cleaning) and my husband.

So what has been happening?

- I got married in July :D
- I moved to my husband's apartment
- I still work where I used to but I definitely have more work :(
- I've started learning Japanese :D - that's something I'm the happiest about
- I still love Arashi and Sho-chan the most

I wish I could manage to write one entry at least once a week. I don't want this to be an empty journal, as I hate leaving things unfinished. I wish I would write more in all the journals and forums I belong to. I'm planning to visit them all from time to time. It's only fair to appreciate other people's effort.

I can do that because now I have a week off and can laze around, plan ahead and spend time just like I want. So let's hope I'll manage to fulfil all my dreams for this week.

And now, for more earthly matters. Need to make dinner for the husband and need to catch up on all Arashi antics (how I miss them, I could howl). And just today I read tsunderellasays' fic "A Wish Gone Wrong" and it was brilliant, of course. In the author's note below I read: "Without Arashi, then we wouldn’t be able to be the people that we are now." How true! I can't imagine myself NOT liking them now and I do believe I have changed thanks to them. They are a very definite part of my life. They make me laugh, cry, and simply grin for the whole day. They make me love Japan even more than I used to. THANK YOU, ARASHI. You are the most wonderful group there is.

Off to read the whole story again ;)

Current Mood: lazy
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi - Mada Minu Sekai He

So almost four months of work has passed and I managed to stay alive.

It's harder than I thought. To stay alive, I mean.

Seems life passes from weekend to weekend and then the weekend is gone, as well. But today was my first free weekend since three weeks time. Three weeks ago I was sick (terribly), then my studies came and then I had a field trip to Germany. No wonder for the passing week I just fainted instead of going to sleep.

But one step at a time. The flu was serious. I don't remember being so ill for a long time. I was really scared for myself, that I could not control how I felt. And I felt horrible. The whole first and second day I slept and slept. Just woke up for 5 minutes and slept again. I couldn't even sit straight for more than a few minutes, the fever breaking me down immediately. The worst were the headaches from the fever, which could be only described as "splitting". Simply nightmare. And then I kind of felt better and went to work on the fourth day. But I still felt weak, so weak I couldn't climb the stairs without getting breathless. Or I couldn't stand for longer than a minute and had to sit down frequently. It was really bad for the rest of the week and only after a week did I finally feel "normal". And to be honest, I still feel something in my throat, just waiting for opportunity to get out.

Well. But Christmas holidays are ahead (1.5 weeks) and I hope to get some decent sleep and finally be able to reset my brain. Indulge in reading and reading and reading. The pile of books I have and want to read is only growing.

So count down begins.

Current Mood: lethargic
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: arashi

It may be boring, but work struck back with more force than I thought. Now I think I need at least two clones doing half of the things for me (and a third one to sleep for me). It's not just me but that doesn't make me feel better. At least coffee is there and it tastes good.

Went to my fiance's hometown on Saturday for his grandpa's birthday. It was quite fun - his family has a great sense of humour and I feel welcome and liked. Which is good, I guess. The same happens on my side of the fence - my Mum treats him as her second son already.

Which reminds me, my real brother's 30th birthday is due on the 9th. I need to prepare a wishing card so cool he would keep it till he's 100. It's bad he won't have a party, only a small family gathering. On the other hand, is it really worth it to spend a lot of money on (mostly) food? I probably wouldn't want that either.

How different is it to be 30? I got used to thinking of myself as "twenty-something" but maybe being "thirty-something" is not so bad. Oh-chan mentioned in some interview that he got tired of being in his twenties and I think there is something to that. On the other hand, it's almost like great part of your life is over. You are definitely an adult and it's time to raise a child, be a role model and all that. There's only work and responsibilities in front of you. And when you stop and look back, your life is over.

Chekhov wrote once in The Cherry Orchard, "Life has gone by as if I never lived". That would be my worst nightmare.

On a lighter note: my horoscope for today said (among other things): "Today you'll wake up feeling reinvigorated and renewed, Cancer." Right. Especially since I overslept and was like two hours late to work. And when I looked at the weather report, it said in Tokyo there is 36 degrees C. Only 18 where I live. WHY??

I want another two weeks of vacation. Ah, but an accomplishment I should have mentioned: I finally typed in my paper from Geomorphology. Just a few pictures and I can send it. And only a month and a half late :D. How great am I?

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi - Cry For You

So my work has taken me hostage and will not let me go until I collapse with a massive nosebleed or any other significant health disorder.

It's not very bad. If I had hated the job, I would never have stayed. But my body seems to dislike working in general and I can't help it. Today I lasted quite long until 2 pm when I was hit with a profound headache. I blindly escaped home (how did I even drive in that state?), promising I'll be there tomorrow. Ehh.

Had a talk with Coordinator no.1 today. Since I have three of them above me now. Each one thinking they're the most important. It's not said explicitly, but during the talk I could feel a question so your loyalty is here now, ne? and a small disappointment when I couldn't answer without doubt.

I have been the Middle School teacher exclusively for three years; and a Diploma teacher for a year. Being a Primary teacher as well now doesn't mean I stop being a teacher there. They will expect as much as there was in the previous years. C1 seemed to understand that but appeared miffed, too. She even called my other lessons "upstairs work". Hah. Wait till C2 and C3 hear that.

But now it's time to go back to planning and organising. I actually love this part of my work, as much as the teaching. IPC is fun and a challenge and I hope, just hope, I will be good at it.

I wish I could go to an Arashi concert...............

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Arashi

I thought writing would be easier and I find it harder to find time. Especially that my vacation officially ends today. Yes, it's time to face the truth: tomorrow is back-to-school day. Funny that teachers dread it too, huh?

It's not so bad for this week, without the kids. They come back on the 1st. For now, it's organising, planning, talking etc. And no sleeping in in the morning. That's the worst!

My car's repair cost about $70, so not so much as I thought. But at least I'm not worried anymore. Yesterday we went t the seaside for the whole day and my fiance even went swimming; but it was too cold for me. My parents were there as well and we had some really good time. They took pictures but I haven't seen them yet.

The ride to the seaside from my city is about 100 km. Not too far, ideal for a one-day outing. And yet, we drove for almost three hours in the awful heat (32 degrees C). It appears almost everyone in my city thought it was a great idea to go to the seaside as well. And since there's no decent highway (why should there be?), we were stuck in traffic like for ever. Seriously, it makes me so mad. My father once said: Poland got independent in 1945, right? It's 65 years already. If they had built even 2 km of the highway a year since then, we would now have reached all the seaside resorts and would not have to stand and watch sb else's back of the car. But why should anyone bother. Arrgh. At least being there was fun.

Today was fun, too. My fiance loves outdoors (and I try to love it) and invited his parents and myself for a bicycle ride today. It was extraordinarily great! I was dirty, sweaty, dead tired, and insanely happy. We are going again next week, if the weather stays right. I don't know what's so great about riding a bicycle, but when I am riding one, I just relax totally and enjoy myself to the fullest. And I really enjoy being with my fiance's parents; they are quite lovely.

Well, but now I have to prepare myself to work. Clothes, clothes, books to give back to the library etc. I don't want to go!

Current Mood: distressed

So perhaps the first real post should be dramatic? Like sharing the news that my beloved car kind of broke. Kind of, because I can still drive but he sounds ill. Or wounded. So I took my baby to the doctor's and he is being treated as I am writing this.

I truly love my car. I totally spoil him, giving him the most expensive petrol I can buy (my father only said "no comment"), I take him to the CarWash every weekend and I buy him treats, like fragrance shells. And I bought him a new tyre set for winter (170$ each). And I drive everyday.

That's why it kills me that he's sick. He should be well and content, basking in the sun in front of my apartment block, or humming to Arashi songs being played on the cd player while we're cruising through the city.

When he's out of the hospital, we'll go for a ride to the seaside. It's only 100 km but at least we get to appear on the highway and achieve a 110 kph (what the rules say) or, in reality, 130. Can't wait!

( this is my baby )

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi

I keep telling myself I will never know what to write here but I just remebered everyone around me tell me I just talk too much. Just a few days ago my mother sighed, interrupting me, "You never shut up, do you?" To which my fiance added helpfully, "She sometimes talks in her sleep, too". Which means 24/7 of talking, hmm?

But what's the point of having a journal if you don't write in it?

But I should warn everyone (anyone who finds it worthwhile to read this) that I am terrible with time (can I buy it somewhere?) and deadlines. And I probably won't write here regularly. But I'll try. Be positive, woman!

Anyway, hello to everyone. Feel free to read and comment on anything.

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Location: Poland, Szczecin
Current Music: Arashi